After high school I decided my life would be much better. I thought the best thing for me would be to not go to college. I could have received a scholarship to a college to play softball, but my boyfriend at the time seemed to take preference over that. My mother was getting remarried so my mother, soon-to-be stepfather Richard and my sister and I moved to Pensacola FL. I thought that this would be a fresh start for me. But I went right back to doing the same stuff and I found myself in a severe depression. Alcohol, guys and partying had consumed my life. Still my life consisted of emptiness and confusion. And when I was 19 I got pregnant. To try and make things right we got married. During this time I began to think about the daughter that I was carrying, and I knew that I did not want her to make the mistakes that I did. So I found a small church to attend. But when Taylor was two, her father and I divorced, and I was back to being on my own. Again I told myself that things would be different. I was working and trying my best to support Taylor. I began going out some and met my second husband. I desperately wanted a family; I wanted to be married. After about six months of dating him I got pregnant with Allison. I told myself that this was not going to be a repeat of the first time. I immediately found a church and began consuming myself with that lifestyle. But my husband at the time wanted no part of what the church had to offer. Still there was no peace in my life and I was unhappy. I believed that this was what I deserved because of all of the bad decisions I had made. When Allison was seventeen months I had Morgan. When Morgan was five months old my husband and I divorced. The girls and I moved to NC where my mom was. I began working and supporting the girls. Again I found a church and we began attending regularly. But I was still going out on the weekends and partying. There was one Sunday when the preacher was speaking about Heaven and Hell. I was not sure if I would go to Heaven, so I spoke with the preacher. They scheduled a time for me to be baptized. The night before the baptism I was out partying. There was no change in my life. I felt no different and still wanted to do things my way. But at the same time I wanted things to be different and I always wanted the best for my children. I believed that no one of any worth would ever want to be with me, especially having three kids. I went to work for Sysco food Service where I met my husband Matthew. He showed me from the beginning what unconditional love was. He loved me regardless of all of the bad decisions I had made and he loved my girls before he ever met them. We got married and moved to Inman. I wanted everything to be perfect for my children. I did not want to repeat what I had done before. We enrolled the girls in SCA and started them in Upward soccer. Soon after, we began attending FBNS. We loved it. I actually thought that I was getting my life on track. I believed that I could show God that I could make good decisions. I began wondering if I really was saved; but I would show God that I was. Matthew and I decided that we would have a baby and I got pregnant with Cole. I dove into ministry.

We became involved in our Bible Fellowship class, I started attending MOPS, and I took a class called FAITH. During one of the classes of FAITH we were asked to write down our testimonies. This really troubled me because I could not think of a time and place that I asked Jesus into my life to forgive me of my sins. But yet I thought that I was saved. The next week in MOPS Donna Ward was talking about how Jesus Christ pursues us and that He loved us enough to die on the cross for our sins. I knew that Jesus Christ died on the dross but I never applied it to my life. And the thought that He was pursuing me made me feel so complete. Donna said that Jesus could fill the void in my life. That he would erase all of my sins and that He loved me know matter what I had done. I decided at that time to quit trying to do it on my own. I told God that I was sorry for forsaking him. I surrendered my WHOLE life to Jesus and I asked him to forgive me of my sins. I believed that he was raised again from the dead. I realized that Jesus is TRULY the only way to heaven. What a relief! My life was finally full! I submitted my life to the Lord and he filled my life with his love. There was a Jesus-sized hole in my soul that only he could fill. I now have the peace that I was longing for. I am not confused at the direction of my life because it is Christ that leads me. All of the work that I was trying to do to earn God’s love was not needed. He loved me from the beginning. All I had to do was surrender.

My entire life changed on October the 4th of 2004. Shortly after this I found out that a very good friend of mine died suddenly. I was so upset. I knew that this person was not in heaven and that I could have been a Godly influence on him. I felt solely responsible for his eternity. At that time I knew that I wanted my life to count; that is when I felt God’s call on my life to evangelism. I wanted to do my part. God has used this story countless time since October of 04, and God has shown me that he has a very special plan for my life. Jeremiah 29:11-14, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord,’plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord…..” I just need to seek God with all of my heart.