Nancy Crocker
I grew up in a Christian home. Growing up, I never felt like I belonged. I always felt unloved and empty. I knew I was a sinner and carried a burden of guilt. I was an overachiever hoping that people would love me. I heard about Jesus’ love in church. I accepted Jesus into my heart at the age of 12. Then my father died from leukemia and my world caved in. I had such an emptiness in my heart and instead of turning to Jesus for comfort, I became bitter and angry and turned to the world for comfort. I tried to find comfort in drugs, alcohol, and other people. I became suicidal. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew I needed Jesus but I was too angry to turn to Him.
During this time, Jesus kept reaching out to me. I kept turning my back on Him. I wanted to feel in control of my life. I wasn’t in control. My life was in a downward spiral. I had just come out of a marriage that left me feeling scared. Each day was filled with fear for our safety and fear of how to make ends meet. I knew I could not make a better life for my children without God’s help. I got on my knees and cried out to Jesus. “Please Lord, forgive me for rebelling against You. I know I am a sinner. I know I can not continue to live without You in my life. I tried to take control of my life but I have made terrible choices. Jesus, please come into my life. I want You to take control.”
Since that day, my life has not been the same. I stopped looking for drugs, alcohol and other people to fill my emptiness. All of the self pity, anger, bitterness and fear is gone. I am filled with a peace and joy I never knew before. Each day brings a new discovery of how much God loves me. Life is not always easy, but I know God is by my side and He will help me go through the challenges. God has shown me areas in my life I have to work on but cannot overcome on my own such as, forgiveness, pride and vanity. Each step I take is so liberating. I pray that everyone will know the kind of love and freedom that is only found through Christ.
Posted in I Faced a Tragedy, I Ran from / Avoided God ,
