I grew up in what seemed  a good Christian home, going to church every week, but inside there was much conflict. Not being close to my dad and too close to mom, I feared strong boys. Entering fifth grade, I came under a hail-storm of name calling—”McGay,” queer, sissy, etc. Entering puberty these feelings became sexualized, along with the use of pornography. Turning fifteen, my parents divorced, and at eighteen  I moved out. Shortly after moving out, a neighbor twenty years my senior seduced me that night, gave me all of his pornography, and took me to the gay clubs. I was addicted instantly. I went from relationship to relationship, but never found the peace and joy that I had searched for.Three years later a friend and his wife reach out to me, asking questions about my future concerning a wife and children. Those questions really stuck with me. I was asking myself “Do I not want a family?” and “What would happen if I died?” Maybe I could seek forgiveness right before I died. Was there hope for me? I didn’t see another way, considering my attractions that I had. I was invited to an Amway conference in Tampa Florida (1991). Sunday morning there was a church service where we sang and people were telling their stories. I saw hope in everyone’s eyes and knew inside that this was what I had been looking for. I accepted Christ that day and left the gay lifestyle.