I grew up in a home where we prayed together, went to church together, and my parents were Christians. My mother had an undiagnosed mental illness that later proved to be manic depression and her behavior was very unpredictable. It made for an unstable home that affected my parent’s marriage and my relationship with them. I thought if I could just be a good girl my mom & dad would be happy and we would have a happy home. But I could never be quite good enough. I lived in fear of what might happen to my family. It was not a peaceful way to live.

Then one day in church my pastor told the story of Joseph and how the Lord helped him forgive his brothers. Then he told another story of forgiveness. He told how God loves me so much that He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross to pay for my sin and how Jesus rose from the grave to defeat that sin. He said that I could never be free of sin on my own but because of what Jesus did I could be forgiven. I could just pray and ask Jesus to be my Savior and live with Him forever when I die. And that is what I did.

What freedom to know that I did not have to worry about being good enough and that I also was not responsible for the happiness of my family. Jesus took those worries from me. Since coming to know the Lord things have not been perfect. There have been times I chose to try to handle problems on my own & not let God. There have been times I felt like a failure as a daughter, wife & mother. My mom is still ill and that is still a struggle. I have strayed from Him and once I wondered if He could ever forgive me. But I have learned that His sacrifice on that cross is enough to cover my every sin. God NEVER left me even though I strayed from Him. He is always there to comfort, lead & guide me. He is so quick to forgive when I mess up. He reminds me that He is there to take my burdens & fears and I have peace of mind like nothing or no one else can give. He allows me to be used for His purposes and I am no longer a slave to sin and the ways of the world! I am free to be whatever He wants. I no longer live in fear that I may acquire the mental illness of my mom. The Lord has taken that fear from me and replaced it with peace. God has been so faithful to keep me close to Him - especially when the storms of life hit hard. I no longer dwell on bad thoughts about myself that Satan whispers in my ear. One of the verses that has helped me so much is Phillipians 4:8,9 “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put into practice. And the God of peace willl be with you.” Jesus Christ is the only peace I have ever known in my life. Only He can forgive like I have been forgiven & give me peace beyond my understanding.