Hope Kuckel
Back in June, our church was beginning its summer program with a guest evangelist. His name is Dennis Nunn, and he was leading us in a program called “Every Believer a Witness.” The purpose was to develop a boldness in sharing Christ. Along with that, our church was promoting a new website called itellthestory.com. We, as individuals, were to post our testimonies for others to read–another evangelism tool. I was compelled, or rather challenged, to write my story and put it on the website along with others in our Sunday School class. I began struggling with what I needed to say. I have always disliked writing my testimony because there is really no defining moment of coming to know the Lord. I believed in Jesus from a very young age as I learned about Him in Sunday School. I was baptized as an infant, and again upon changing membership to a Baptist church. I was again baptized along with my husband in a river in Michigan. None of these instances stand out to me as the moment I decided to follow Christ. I struggled for three days with the weight of this burden. I couldn’t breathe. I asked my husband what I needed to do. His only reply was, “Hope, do you trust God?” Not exactly what I wanted to hear. How could I have lived the life of a Christian (yet still a sinner), and at 32 years old be doubting my salvation?
Wednesday, June 27, the last night of Pastor Nunn’s series of messages, he asked that people come forward to confess their sin. Then he asked that anyone who questioned their salvation come to the back and meet him. I had to make a decision–I went back. I met with a counselor (a member of our church) for maybe two hours, and the one thing that stuck out in my mind was when she told me, “If you’re struggling, then you are still holding on to your life.” I realized my pride was what kept me from trusting God and letting go of control of my life. I asked my husband to lead me in a prayer of forgiveness, and my children prayed with me there in front of the church that night. It hurt like labor pains, but I knew that I had to do it.
For about a week or two, I could feel Satan’s attack. My husband and I were divided, and I felt almost embarassed about what had taken place. But I trusted God to get me through the difficult time, and I sit here now in such a state of awe over God’s amazing grace. I am sharing my story over and over again. I know I am not the only one who struggles with doubts, and I believe God places those doubts in our hearts for a reason if we will only follow His calling to trust Him.
Posted in I Grew Up in Church, I Thought I was a Christian ,
