My second marriage ended and I knew that I needed to be in church. I had wanted to go but my second husband didn’t want to. He felt his church had let him down in the past and didn’t want to try again. A friend of mine and I started going to church together. We were going to “shop around” for a church but settled on the first one we went to which was Oak Grove Baptist.
About a month after beginning to go to church Pastor Rufus Chaneyworth preached a very simple message entitled “God Is Love.” This was truly my breaking point. I felt God reaching down and telling me that it didn’t matter what I had done, that I was His child and would be forever as long as I accepted him. When I left the service I started crying and didn’t stop for a long time. I didn’t go up for the invitation that day, but I did the next Sunday.
Almost 8 years ago I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. He has taken me on a journey that has been indescribable. My friend who started going to church with me became my husband 2 years later. We have been able to serve in different church groups and even have been teachers! The Lord laid a burden on our hearts to change churches and he paved the way to FBNS, and we feel so very grateful in the way the Lord prepared us to serve. I can’t wait to see what the Lord wants from us next!
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I grew up in what seemed a good Christian home, going to church every week, but inside there was much conflict. Not being close to my dad and too close to mom, I feared strong boys. Entering fifth grade, I came under a hail-storm of name calling—”McGay,” queer, sissy, etc. Entering puberty these feelings became sexualized, along with the use of pornography. Turning fifteen, my parents divorced, and at eighteen I moved out. Shortly after moving out, a neighbor twenty years my senior seduced me that night, gave me all of his pornography, and took me to the gay clubs. I was addicted instantly. I went from relationship to relationship, but never found the peace and joy that I had searched for.Three years later a friend and his wife reach out to me, asking questions about my future concerning a wife and children. Those questions really stuck with me. I was asking myself “Do I not want a family?” and “What would happen if I died?” Maybe I could seek forgiveness right before I died. Was there hope for me? I didn’t see another way, considering my attractions that I had. I was invited to an Amway conference in Tampa Florida (1991). Sunday morning there was a church service where we sang and people were telling their stories. I saw hope in everyone’s eyes and knew inside that this was what I had been looking for. I accepted Christ that day and left the gay lifestyle.
I came home and ended relationships and got rid of all my pornography. I called a pastor and asked if he could help me understand what I had experienced. He shared with me and said that I needed to be baptized. I joined the church that I grew up in, got involved, and was baptized. I developed many new friends and even some accountability partners that helped me. It was a very long journey. Since then God has really used my story in people’s lives. I married in ’96 and now have a young son and daughter and am in full-time ministry reaching out to those that struggle with homosexuality. “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.” Joel 2:25 Visit www.truthministry.org.
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I grew up in a Christian home. I was baptized as a young girl when I was 6 years old. I have spent all of my adult life trying to do what is right. For the past ten years, I have been heavily involved in church including bible studes, sunday school, missions trips and choir. I have always wanted to know Jesus intimately but never felt like I could get there.
There has been always something missing. My husband would always encourage me to read the Bible so that I could know God. But even with reading the emptiness was still there. I had prayed the sinner’s prayer hundreds of times over the years but never felt a peace in my heart. Finally one of my friends told me, “There is a big difference between praying the sinners prayer for fear of hell and praying for Christ to be Lord of your life.” This hit me like a ton of bricks.
I needed to settle this once and for all so I went to First North and met with the women’s counselor and I nailed down my salvation. This meant believing Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins, was buried and rose again, admitting I was a sinner, and asking Jesus to be Lord of my life. The next church service, when the invitation was given, I didn’t feel any need to pray the prayer. It had been settled.
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As a small child my family went to church very consistently. I attend Vacation Bible School, went to Sunday school and was involved in many church activities. At about the age of 9 a very good friend of mine was getting baptized. That seemed like something that I wanted to do also. So I got baptized. I do not remember why, nor do I remember talking with anyone about that decision. Due to my dad being in pharmaceutical sales, we moved a lot. My family moved to a new state when I was in the 5th grade. This was a difficult move for me and my adjustment was not good. I was making more enemies than friends. This was very hard on my “approval driven” nature. As things progressed I began making decisions that I thought would earn the favor of others. My family was attending a local church (sometimes), but soon ended after my parents began experiencing some marital difficulties. As I entered Junior High my MAIN concern was fitting in. It did not matter the cost. The opinions of others outweighed any moral foundation that my mother had taught me. I was unhappy. Unhappy with myself and I felt very empty. There was no meaning to my life. So to fill the void that was in my soul I turned to different relationships and alcohol. There was nothing in my life to reflect the baptism that occurred when I was 9. I did not like the way my life was. I tried to make better decisions but continually failed. My parents decided to divorce and with that came many changes. My life was very unsettled and there was a lot of confusion. I got into a car accident and it made me think about death, and I was not sure if I would go to Heaven or Hell. I remembered my baptism but there was definitely no peace to confirm that I would be allowed into God’s Heaven. I knew that Jesus was the Son of God, but Jesus was not a part of my life.
After high school I decided my life would be much better. I thought the best thing for me would be to not go to college. I could have received a scholarship to a college to play softball, but my boyfriend at the time seemed to take preference over that. My mother was getting remarried so my mother, soon-to-be stepfather Richard and my sister and I moved to Pensacola FL. I thought that this would be a fresh start for me. But I went right back to doing the same stuff and I found myself in a severe depression. Alcohol, guys and partying had consumed my life. Still my life consisted of emptiness and confusion. And when I was 19 I got pregnant. To try and make things right we got married. During this time I began to think about the daughter that I was carrying, and I knew that I did not want her to make the mistakes that I did. So I found a small church to attend. But when Taylor was two, her father and I divorced, and I was back to being on my own. Again I told myself that things would be different. I was working and trying my best to support Taylor. I began going out some and met my second husband. I desperately wanted a family; I wanted to be married. After about six months of dating him I got pregnant with Allison. I told myself that this was not going to be a repeat of the first time. I immediately found a church and began consuming myself with that lifestyle. But my husband at the time wanted no part of what the church had to offer. Still there was no peace in my life and I was unhappy. I believed that this was what I deserved because of all of the bad decisions I had made. When Allison was seventeen months I had Morgan. When Morgan was five months old my husband and I divorced. The girls and I moved to NC where my mom was. I began working and supporting the girls. Again I found a church and we began attending regularly. But I was still going out on the weekends and partying. There was one Sunday when the preacher was speaking about Heaven and Hell. I was not sure if I would go to Heaven, so I spoke with the preacher. They scheduled a time for me to be baptized. The night before the baptism I was out partying. There was no change in my life. I felt no different and still wanted to do things my way. But at the same time I wanted things to be different and I always wanted the best for my children. I believed that no one of any worth would ever want to be with me, especially having three kids. I went to work for Sysco food Service where I met my husband Matthew. He showed me from the beginning what unconditional love was. He loved me regardless of all of the bad decisions I had made and he loved my girls before he ever met them. We got married and moved to Inman. I wanted everything to be perfect for my children. I did not want to repeat what I had done before. We enrolled the girls in SCA and started them in Upward soccer. Soon after, we began attending FBNS. We loved it. I actually thought that I was getting my life on track. I believed that I could show God that I could make good decisions. I began wondering if I really was saved; but I would show God that I was. Matthew and I decided that we would have a baby and I got pregnant with Cole. I dove into ministry.
We became involved in our Bible Fellowship class, I started attending MOPS, and I took a class called FAITH. During one of the classes of FAITH we were asked to write down our testimonies. This really troubled me because I could not think of a time and place that I asked Jesus into my life to forgive me of my sins. But yet I thought that I was saved. The next week in MOPS Donna Ward was talking about how Jesus Christ pursues us and that He loved us enough to die on the cross for our sins. I knew that Jesus Christ died on the dross but I never applied it to my life. And the thought that He was pursuing me made me feel so complete. Donna said that Jesus could fill the void in my life. That he would erase all of my sins and that He loved me know matter what I had done. I decided at that time to quit trying to do it on my own. I told God that I was sorry for forsaking him. I surrendered my WHOLE life to Jesus and I asked him to forgive me of my sins. I believed that he was raised again from the dead. I realized that Jesus is TRULY the only way to heaven. What a relief! My life was finally full! I submitted my life to the Lord and he filled my life with his love. There was a Jesus-sized hole in my soul that only he could fill. I now have the peace that I was longing for. I am not confused at the direction of my life because it is Christ that leads me. All of the work that I was trying to do to earn God’s love was not needed. He loved me from the beginning. All I had to do was surrender.
My entire life changed on October the 4th of 2004. Shortly after this I found out that a very good friend of mine died suddenly. I was so upset. I knew that this person was not in heaven and that I could have been a Godly influence on him. I felt solely responsible for his eternity. At that time I knew that I wanted my life to count; that is when I felt God’s call on my life to evangelism. I wanted to do my part. God has used this story countless time since October of 04, and God has shown me that he has a very special plan for my life. Jeremiah 29:11-14, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord,’plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord…..” I just need to seek God with all of my heart.
Posted in I Grew Up in Church, I Made Bad Choices, I was Searching for More , 1 Comment »
Growing up poor in rural North Carolina with a Christian mother and an alcoholic father I was afraid and insecure. I was a people pleaser and spent most of my energy seeking the approval of others. At twelve I was baptized because all my friends were doing it. I graduated college, married and had three wonderful children. I was a leader in our community, the business community and our local church. From all outward appearances we were living the American dream. But in reality I was a lonely weekend alcoholic with little purpose in life except to work, spend time with my children and escape into alcohol from a troubled marriage. I was unhappy and daydreamed about a better life. I knew in my secret heart that God was the answer but I was not about to give control of my life to a God that might not exist and if He did probably didn’t care about me. Besides I was young; death was somewhere in the far distant future and He could wait
One day I witnessed a dramatic change in my wife and knew instantly that God was real. Terrified about where I would spend eternity, I began to read the bible and pray. But I was such a bad person that I didn’t think God could love me. One evening as I knelt at the foot of my bed God reminded me that He loved me so much that He gave His only Son to die on the cross and rise from the grave three days later so that I could live forever with Him in heaven. What amazing love; I thought about how much I loved my children and knew that I, nor any human, could ever make such a sacrifice. In Matthew 11:28 Jesus says, “Come unto Me all who labor and are heavy burdened and I will give you rest.” I so very much wanted that rest. That day at the foot of my bed I asked Jesus to forgive my sins and take control of my life. He did as He had promised and changed my life forever. On my desk is a cherished paperweight from my daughter which says, “God’s Promises Are Forever”. That day I learned His promises are indeed forever.
My life, our lives have not been the same since that day. Though I subsequently rebelled and tried to go my own way many times God has remained faithful and active in our lives. He has given us beautiful grandchildren and a life together which we could not have imagined. No longer am I afraid but live with peace, joy and clear purpose. Though it was not easy at first, my desire for escape into alcohol is now only a dim memory. Not only my marriage but all relationships, family and friends, are being healed and restored. God continues working in our lives. My life is not perfect but His love is. Most importantly I know that if I die today I will spend eternity in heaven. Seek Him. Trust Him. He will never disappoint you. His promises are forever.
Posted in Alcohol Impacted My Life, I Drifted Away from God, I Was Alone, I was Searching for More , No Comments »
