Even as a small child I craved the approval of others. I was insecure, always worrying whether people liked me. I was terrified of disappointing others. What if they stopped liking me once they knew I didn’t always do the right thing? I grew up in a Christian home. From my earliest memory I loved Jesus and knew he loved me. I was still scared that if I messed up enough, Jesus might stop loving me and it hurt just to imagine that.

I was 8 years old when I realized, while talking to my mom, that I could never be good enough. I would always fall short of God’s standard. My mom explained that Jesus, loved me SO MUCH that he died on the cross to pay the price for all the wrong things I had ever done or ever would do. I could ask Jesus to Gmeet God’s standard for me! Soon after I met with the pastor of our church. He used an illustration I will never forget. He held out a nickel and said he wanted to give it to me. He put it in my hand. I tried to give it back—that was a lot of money to me, and I hadn’t done anything to earn it. He said no—that once I had accepted the gift, I could never give it back… just like my salvation. Jesus’ death and resurrection were God’s free gift to me. He explained that because Jesus had defeated death, that there was nothing in my life that he could not help me through.

My Jesus has given me many opportunities to test His power through various trials in my life. He was my security through my parent’s divorce. When my mother left, I doubted her love. My Jesus reassured me of His unconditional love for me. Even now, many years later, life continues to be full of immense challenges, but God has been so faithful! He has never left me or forsaken me! My Jesus proves his perfect love for me over and over— Even when I don’t act like I know it, or don’t feel it—Jesus lives in me and I can’t kick him out. I am still learning so much. I am so far from perfect, but as I continue to fall short of God’s standard, my Jesus meets me where I am and patiently leads me to where He wants me to be. His love always sustains me! My eternity has been settled not by what I do, but by what Jesus did for me!

At the age of five I was convicted of my sins –”where would I be when I died?” Through the influence of my Christian parents and pastor, I asked Jesus in my heart and I settled that question forever. A weight in my heart was lifted giving me Christ’s presence with me. Even though I have disappointed Him, He has been ever faithful, His love everlasting, and sufficient through every pathway of my life. I seek to obey His call, to love him more, and my life to glorify Him.

After the challenge of my divorce, my family and home breaking apart, losing my friends and status in the community- I was discouraged and just did not want to live. I felt that God could never love me. After all, I could not errase my mistakes or those of my spouse. I felt so alone. Through Godly people reaching out to me, and the Word of God- I realized that God did love me and He had a purpose for my life. I truly realized what a close friend Jesus is. I am thankful for him daily. I don’t know the future, but I do trust Him and he will lead me one moment at a time. The peace and joy I feel today has only come through the grace of God.

Before I gave my life to Christ, I was a boy longing for someone to love me and allow me to be a part of their family. I was not a mean or rebellious kid. In fact, I was a down right good kid, on the outside. But on the inside, I hurt so bad that to this day it is hard to describe. The reason is because at the age of three, my parents gave me and my brothers and sisters over to a Children’s Home. Now there were circumstances as to why they did this, but that is not important. The fact was, I longed to be a part of a normal family, but living in a dorm full of boys just like me, I felt alone and abandoned.

At about the age of 13, I had the opportunity to hear a man explain how God, my Heavenly Father loved me so much that He gave over His only son to this world to live a sinless life, but to die on the cross for my sin so that I could have forgiveness and eternal life with Him. At the moment when the pastor gave me the opportunity to accept this gift from God, I jumped at it.

There is a scripture in the Bible where God says “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” The pastor quoted this scripture that night. It felt like he was talking directly to me, because I had felt left and forsaken. However, since that night, the loneliness and hurt I had inside of me left, God replaced it with joy, peace and purpose. My life has not been perfect, primarily, because of the mistakes I make, but the assurance of God’s love for me and His desire to have me a part of His family has given a life of direction of which is to serve Him so that people will Jesus in me.