I grew up in what seemed a good Christian home, going to church every week, but inside there was much conflict. Not being close to my dad and too close to mom, I feared strong boys. Entering fifth grade, I came under a hail-storm of name calling—”McGay,” queer, sissy, etc. Entering puberty these feelings became sexualized, along with the use of pornography. Turning fifteen, my parents divorced, and at eighteen I moved out. Shortly after moving out, a neighbor twenty years my senior seduced me that night, gave me all of his pornography, and took me to the gay clubs. I was addicted instantly. I went from relationship to relationship, but never found the peace and joy that I had searched for.Three years later a friend and his wife reach out to me, asking questions about my future concerning a wife and children. Those questions really stuck with me. I was asking myself “Do I not want a family?” and “What would happen if I died?” Maybe I could seek forgiveness right before I died. Was there hope for me? I didn’t see another way, considering my attractions that I had. I was invited to an Amway conference in Tampa Florida (1991). Sunday morning there was a church service where we sang and people were telling their stories. I saw hope in everyone’s eyes and knew inside that this was what I had been looking for. I accepted Christ that day and left the gay lifestyle.
I came home and ended relationships and got rid of all my pornography. I called a pastor and asked if he could help me understand what I had experienced. He shared with me and said that I needed to be baptized. I joined the church that I grew up in, got involved, and was baptized. I developed many new friends and even some accountability partners that helped me. It was a very long journey. Since then God has really used my story in people’s lives. I married in ’96 and now have a young son and daughter and am in full-time ministry reaching out to those that struggle with homosexuality. “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.” Joel 2:25 Visit www.truthministry.org.
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I grew a child of divorce in the 70’s and 80’s. We went to church here and there,but I had no real connection to God. In the early 80’s I was playing music with my dad in country/50’s rock band.He was dating a lady who attended church and sometimes we went with her. There was a special service, and Rosie Grier was speaking. I was a Steelers fan so he had my attention. He spoke of sin and the penalty of it, and that we were all guilty. He told us that God had sent his Son to die in our place. He gave an invitation to accept this free gift of salvation,which I eagerly accepted. I thought I had this part of my life taken care of…business as usual, right…
Life went on and I had no one to tell me what do as far as what following Christ looked like. As I got into highschool I started hanging with the wrong crowd, experimenting with alcohol and drugs. I got out of highschool, started work, and later on went to Spartanburg Tech for welding. I had been dating this girl, whom I later married. The drugs and alcohol continued as well as a lack of church involvement. At different times in my life over the years God’s quiet voice spoke to my heart in the strangest of places (in a bar for example). He would say, “What are you doing here in this place? You don’t belong here.”
I got to a point where I was ready to settle down and get right with God. She didn’t want to do that. It just got worse and worse with the drugs and alcohol and the cheating on her part. We ended up divorced. It was at this point that I began to look to the Lord, and I recommitted my life to the Lord at the age of 24-25. Since then I have been all over the world for Jesus on short-term missions trips. During this period I met the girl who 8 years later would become the love of my life and then my wife. I also serve in the student ministry as a bible fellowship teacher/drummer in the worship band. My life has been turned upside down by Jesus, but when the world is upside down, it takes Jesus to turn it right side up.
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As a small child my family went to church very consistently. I attend Vacation Bible School, went to Sunday school and was involved in many church activities. At about the age of 9 a very good friend of mine was getting baptized. That seemed like something that I wanted to do also. So I got baptized. I do not remember why, nor do I remember talking with anyone about that decision. Due to my dad being in pharmaceutical sales, we moved a lot. My family moved to a new state when I was in the 5th grade. This was a difficult move for me and my adjustment was not good. I was making more enemies than friends. This was very hard on my “approval driven” nature. As things progressed I began making decisions that I thought would earn the favor of others. My family was attending a local church (sometimes), but soon ended after my parents began experiencing some marital difficulties. As I entered Junior High my MAIN concern was fitting in. It did not matter the cost. The opinions of others outweighed any moral foundation that my mother had taught me. I was unhappy. Unhappy with myself and I felt very empty. There was no meaning to my life. So to fill the void that was in my soul I turned to different relationships and alcohol. There was nothing in my life to reflect the baptism that occurred when I was 9. I did not like the way my life was. I tried to make better decisions but continually failed. My parents decided to divorce and with that came many changes. My life was very unsettled and there was a lot of confusion. I got into a car accident and it made me think about death, and I was not sure if I would go to Heaven or Hell. I remembered my baptism but there was definitely no peace to confirm that I would be allowed into God’s Heaven. I knew that Jesus was the Son of God, but Jesus was not a part of my life.
After high school I decided my life would be much better. I thought the best thing for me would be to not go to college. I could have received a scholarship to a college to play softball, but my boyfriend at the time seemed to take preference over that. My mother was getting remarried so my mother, soon-to-be stepfather Richard and my sister and I moved to Pensacola FL. I thought that this would be a fresh start for me. But I went right back to doing the same stuff and I found myself in a severe depression. Alcohol, guys and partying had consumed my life. Still my life consisted of emptiness and confusion. And when I was 19 I got pregnant. To try and make things right we got married. During this time I began to think about the daughter that I was carrying, and I knew that I did not want her to make the mistakes that I did. So I found a small church to attend. But when Taylor was two, her father and I divorced, and I was back to being on my own. Again I told myself that things would be different. I was working and trying my best to support Taylor. I began going out some and met my second husband. I desperately wanted a family; I wanted to be married. After about six months of dating him I got pregnant with Allison. I told myself that this was not going to be a repeat of the first time. I immediately found a church and began consuming myself with that lifestyle. But my husband at the time wanted no part of what the church had to offer. Still there was no peace in my life and I was unhappy. I believed that this was what I deserved because of all of the bad decisions I had made. When Allison was seventeen months I had Morgan. When Morgan was five months old my husband and I divorced. The girls and I moved to NC where my mom was. I began working and supporting the girls. Again I found a church and we began attending regularly. But I was still going out on the weekends and partying. There was one Sunday when the preacher was speaking about Heaven and Hell. I was not sure if I would go to Heaven, so I spoke with the preacher. They scheduled a time for me to be baptized. The night before the baptism I was out partying. There was no change in my life. I felt no different and still wanted to do things my way. But at the same time I wanted things to be different and I always wanted the best for my children. I believed that no one of any worth would ever want to be with me, especially having three kids. I went to work for Sysco food Service where I met my husband Matthew. He showed me from the beginning what unconditional love was. He loved me regardless of all of the bad decisions I had made and he loved my girls before he ever met them. We got married and moved to Inman. I wanted everything to be perfect for my children. I did not want to repeat what I had done before. We enrolled the girls in SCA and started them in Upward soccer. Soon after, we began attending FBNS. We loved it. I actually thought that I was getting my life on track. I believed that I could show God that I could make good decisions. I began wondering if I really was saved; but I would show God that I was. Matthew and I decided that we would have a baby and I got pregnant with Cole. I dove into ministry.
We became involved in our Bible Fellowship class, I started attending MOPS, and I took a class called FAITH. During one of the classes of FAITH we were asked to write down our testimonies. This really troubled me because I could not think of a time and place that I asked Jesus into my life to forgive me of my sins. But yet I thought that I was saved. The next week in MOPS Donna Ward was talking about how Jesus Christ pursues us and that He loved us enough to die on the cross for our sins. I knew that Jesus Christ died on the dross but I never applied it to my life. And the thought that He was pursuing me made me feel so complete. Donna said that Jesus could fill the void in my life. That he would erase all of my sins and that He loved me know matter what I had done. I decided at that time to quit trying to do it on my own. I told God that I was sorry for forsaking him. I surrendered my WHOLE life to Jesus and I asked him to forgive me of my sins. I believed that he was raised again from the dead. I realized that Jesus is TRULY the only way to heaven. What a relief! My life was finally full! I submitted my life to the Lord and he filled my life with his love. There was a Jesus-sized hole in my soul that only he could fill. I now have the peace that I was longing for. I am not confused at the direction of my life because it is Christ that leads me. All of the work that I was trying to do to earn God’s love was not needed. He loved me from the beginning. All I had to do was surrender.
My entire life changed on October the 4th of 2004. Shortly after this I found out that a very good friend of mine died suddenly. I was so upset. I knew that this person was not in heaven and that I could have been a Godly influence on him. I felt solely responsible for his eternity. At that time I knew that I wanted my life to count; that is when I felt God’s call on my life to evangelism. I wanted to do my part. God has used this story countless time since October of 04, and God has shown me that he has a very special plan for my life. Jeremiah 29:11-14, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord,’plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord…..” I just need to seek God with all of my heart.
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I grew up in a religious home. I always went to church even when I didn’t want to. I was an alter boy and a squire in the knights of Columbus and I thought I had it all. If people had asked me if I was going to heaven I would have said because I’m a good person or catholic. Neither of which was true. I was living for myself. For the vast majority of my adult life I was seeking self-satisfaction. If it felt good, I did it. I played with drugs, alcohol and illicit affairs, but I was never satisfied. I always wanted more but would never admit it.
Nine years ago God allowed circumstances in my life to hit me like a brick wall. Somebody asked me if I was a Christian and I said yes. I knew this was a lie. I started attending First North because of the Twin Living Christmas Trees. We had seen them several times and God would use this in my life to lead me to Him. Through the next month I began to realize I was a sinner in need of a savior and I would not go to heaven if I had died. One Sunday at church I went down front and the pastor and I talked, he would later come to my house and would lead me to the Lord. I admitted I was a sinner and that I needed Jesus to be king of my life. I asked Him into my heart and forgive me of my sins and committed my life to following Him.
How has Jesus changed my life? I think differently and act differently now. I don’t hang out at the same places I used to or do the same things I used to. Sometimes I am strong and sometimes I fall. But God loves me, forgives me and encourages me know because of his son Jesus. He is always faithful to me and my family. I wish I had trusted him earlier in my life.
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My life before Christ is hard to explain. I was 6 years old when I accepted Christ as my Savior and Lord. Prior to that I practically lived at the church. My mother worked at the church we attended as a church secretary. My father was a deacon and was active in the church bus ministry. So the church was like my second home. I was blessed with Christian parents and generations of Christians in my life. However, in spite of these blessings, I strayed from the Lord at the age of 18. I continued to be very active in church and was faithful in reading my Bible, but I began to explore in the area of sexual immorality. The practice of immorality in my life lead to health problems and eventually depression. One night I was so depressed over the way I had messed up my life, attempting to live 2 different lives (one for God and one not for God) that I attempted suicide. I placed a gun to my head, and as I did something told me to check the bullets. My dad had always told me to leave the gun revolver on an empty slot so that if I ever dropped the gun it would not go off and hurt someone. So I knew that if I was going to kill myself that I had to make sure the gun was not on the empty slot. However, when I checked the gun for the bullets, all the bullets were gone! I frantically searched my nightstand for the missing bullets, but there were no bullets to be found. I cried myself to sleep that night. Soon after this incident I asked the Lord to forgive me for my sins and for the way I had been living my life. I rededicated my life to the Lord and I enrolled in several Bible studies at church allowing the Holy Spirit to heal me. Through His healing power my life was changed.
Who or when someone emptied my gun of the bullets is still unknown to this day. No one had a key to my apartment, nor did anyone know I had a gun and always kept the gun loaded because I lived by myself and I traveled a lot. It was not until six months after the attempt of suicide that I opened my nightstand drawer and find all 6 bullets for my gun. It was obvious that the Lord knew I had a gun, and it was nothing but a miracle that the Lord intervened and prevented me from killing myself. Since that miraculous night many, many years ago my walk with the Lord has changed. Yes, I have made mistakes along the way, but I only live one life now and that is a life for Jesus Christ. The Lord got my attention that night long ago and I realized that He truly loves me and that He was willing to use me in spite of my past and in spite of how I messed up my life. The Lord told me in Jeremiah 29:11 ” I know the plans I have for you, they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
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