Back in June, our church was beginning its summer program with a guest evangelist. His name is Dennis Nunn, and he was leading us in a program called “Every Believer a Witness.” The purpose was to develop a boldness in sharing Christ. Along with that, our church was promoting a new website called itellthestory.com. We, as individuals, were to post our testimonies for others to read–another evangelism tool. I was compelled, or rather challenged, to write my story and put it on the website along with others in our Sunday School class. I began struggling with what I needed to say. I have always disliked writing my testimony because there is really no defining moment of coming to know the Lord. I believed in Jesus from a very young age as I learned about Him in Sunday School. I was baptized as an infant, and again upon changing membership to a Baptist church. I was again baptized along with my husband in a river in Michigan. None of these instances stand out to me as the moment I decided to follow Christ. I struggled for three days with the weight of this burden. I couldn’t breathe. I asked my husband what I needed to do. His only reply was, “Hope, do you trust God?” Not exactly what I wanted to hear. How could I have lived the life of a Christian (yet still a sinner), and at 32 years old be doubting my salvation?
Wednesday, June 27, the last night of Pastor Nunn’s series of messages, he asked that people come forward to confess their sin. Then he asked that anyone who questioned their salvation come to the back and meet him. I had to make a decision–I went back. I met with a counselor (a member of our church) for maybe two hours, and the one thing that stuck out in my mind was when she told me, “If you’re struggling, then you are still holding on to your life.” I realized my pride was what kept me from trusting God and letting go of control of my life. I asked my husband to lead me in a prayer of forgiveness, and my children prayed with me there in front of the church that night. It hurt like labor pains, but I knew that I had to do it.
For about a week or two, I could feel Satan’s attack. My husband and I were divided, and I felt almost embarassed about what had taken place. But I trusted God to get me through the difficult time, and I sit here now in such a state of awe over God’s amazing grace. I am sharing my story over and over again. I know I am not the only one who struggles with doubts, and I believe God places those doubts in our hearts for a reason if we will only follow His calling to trust Him.
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I grew up in Anderson, S.C. There were five little girls in my family and I was the third one. I really never liked myself. I wanted to be a boy so I could do the things my dad did, praise God I am a girl. Also, I was not as pretty as the other girls and not as smart. I was mean. I did not like the world, did not like people or trust them. If you are not trustworthy you don’t trust others. I was a chronic liar. Yet, all my life my family went to church and my mother always took us. In our youth group I would pray aloud and answer all the right things.
After the births of two great children, my husband and I decided to start back to church so our children could decide for themselves what they wanted to believe. My husband and I believed that God was the love that all man should have for each other and Jesus was just a story that man had made up so everyone could do what they wanted to, say they were sorry and all was well. We lived next door to a couple that had three children an appeared happy from the outside, but my friend was very negative. One summer she went to a retreat at and when she came back she was different. She drove me crazy, all she could talk about was Jesus, she did not complain anymore and she was joyful. One night she came over, with tears running down her face and said Pam do you realize one day I am going to heaven and you are going to hell. I did not react to her, but it did bother me. I began to read some of those little books my friend gave me. One morning I woke up and I knew that I was a sinner and that Jesus was the son of God and I needed Him I was so very sorry for all that I had done. I knew he lived a perfect life , was crucified, died , buried and then rose from the dead.
That was 37 years ago. While God in His patience works with me, He has given to me a wonderful present. He has allowed me to lead so many in the sinner’s prayer. It is amazing. You see we always have an opportunity to share His good news. The gospel has to be in your story or it has no power. Praise God it was in my story. But now, I will think about it just that way. God had given that to me before. I guess that is why He could use me over and over again. I have prayed with an elementary principal in his office , bunches of youth at our other church, riding student on a horse , a man in the Spartanburg Auditorium, The last two right now I will say are two girls this summer at our camps at our home. It is great realizing some of how God uses you in His big Picture. Isn’t God good??!!!!!!!
Posted in I Grew Up in Church, I Had No Peace , No Comments »
I was born and raised in Brazil, SA as a missionary kid. The first 10 years of my life we lived in a remote mountain town where my father pastored a church. There was never a time in my life that I was not in church. At least once a week we also went to those who lived too far away to actually be at church. I don’t know what my life was like before Christ because He was always in it at least through my parents.
We came to the United States when I was 6 years old and one Sunday during Sunday School the teacher gave the invitation to accept Christ, and I knew that’s what I wanted to do. We returned to Brazil and our family moved to the coast where my father became the director of a Bible Institute. I continued to be involved in church and whatever activities they had going on. Things seemed to be going fine in my life, but when I was about 13 years old I started having doubts concerning my salvation. Did I really believe for myself that God sent His Son to earth as a baby and that He died on the cross for my sins? I could not base my salvation on being a missionary kid or that my parents were such Godly people. I knew that I did not want to spend eternity separated from God so even though I had asked Him in my heart at an early age I rededicated my life to following Christ.
Since that time I graduated from high school in Brazil and moved to the United States. I met my wonderful husband and we have two beautiful children. God has blessed my life tremendously but life isn’t always easy. We battled secondary infertility for a couple of years, and we lost two babies through a miscarriage and a ruptured ectopic. My mother is battling breast cancer, and they now face the great possibility of not being able to continue thier ministry in Brazil. If not for God’s grace and goodness these things could have easily caused me to doubt God and His love but His word says He loves me and will never leave me and that He has a plan and a purpose for my life.
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As a small child my family went to church very consistently. I attend Vacation Bible School, went to Sunday school and was involved in many church activities. At about the age of 9 a very good friend of mine was getting baptized. That seemed like something that I wanted to do also. So I got baptized. I do not remember why, nor do I remember talking with anyone about that decision. Due to my dad being in pharmaceutical sales, we moved a lot. My family moved to a new state when I was in the 5th grade. This was a difficult move for me and my adjustment was not good. I was making more enemies than friends. This was very hard on my “approval driven” nature. As things progressed I began making decisions that I thought would earn the favor of others. My family was attending a local church (sometimes), but soon ended after my parents began experiencing some marital difficulties. As I entered Junior High my MAIN concern was fitting in. It did not matter the cost. The opinions of others outweighed any moral foundation that my mother had taught me. I was unhappy. Unhappy with myself and I felt very empty. There was no meaning to my life. So to fill the void that was in my soul I turned to different relationships and alcohol. There was nothing in my life to reflect the baptism that occurred when I was 9. I did not like the way my life was. I tried to make better decisions but continually failed. My parents decided to divorce and with that came many changes. My life was very unsettled and there was a lot of confusion. I got into a car accident and it made me think about death, and I was not sure if I would go to Heaven or Hell. I remembered my baptism but there was definitely no peace to confirm that I would be allowed into God’s Heaven. I knew that Jesus was the Son of God, but Jesus was not a part of my life.
After high school I decided my life would be much better. I thought the best thing for me would be to not go to college. I could have received a scholarship to a college to play softball, but my boyfriend at the time seemed to take preference over that. My mother was getting remarried so my mother, soon-to-be stepfather Richard and my sister and I moved to Pensacola FL. I thought that this would be a fresh start for me. But I went right back to doing the same stuff and I found myself in a severe depression. Alcohol, guys and partying had consumed my life. Still my life consisted of emptiness and confusion. And when I was 19 I got pregnant. To try and make things right we got married. During this time I began to think about the daughter that I was carrying, and I knew that I did not want her to make the mistakes that I did. So I found a small church to attend. But when Taylor was two, her father and I divorced, and I was back to being on my own. Again I told myself that things would be different. I was working and trying my best to support Taylor. I began going out some and met my second husband. I desperately wanted a family; I wanted to be married. After about six months of dating him I got pregnant with Allison. I told myself that this was not going to be a repeat of the first time. I immediately found a church and began consuming myself with that lifestyle. But my husband at the time wanted no part of what the church had to offer. Still there was no peace in my life and I was unhappy. I believed that this was what I deserved because of all of the bad decisions I had made. When Allison was seventeen months I had Morgan. When Morgan was five months old my husband and I divorced. The girls and I moved to NC where my mom was. I began working and supporting the girls. Again I found a church and we began attending regularly. But I was still going out on the weekends and partying. There was one Sunday when the preacher was speaking about Heaven and Hell. I was not sure if I would go to Heaven, so I spoke with the preacher. They scheduled a time for me to be baptized. The night before the baptism I was out partying. There was no change in my life. I felt no different and still wanted to do things my way. But at the same time I wanted things to be different and I always wanted the best for my children. I believed that no one of any worth would ever want to be with me, especially having three kids. I went to work for Sysco food Service where I met my husband Matthew. He showed me from the beginning what unconditional love was. He loved me regardless of all of the bad decisions I had made and he loved my girls before he ever met them. We got married and moved to Inman. I wanted everything to be perfect for my children. I did not want to repeat what I had done before. We enrolled the girls in SCA and started them in Upward soccer. Soon after, we began attending FBNS. We loved it. I actually thought that I was getting my life on track. I believed that I could show God that I could make good decisions. I began wondering if I really was saved; but I would show God that I was. Matthew and I decided that we would have a baby and I got pregnant with Cole. I dove into ministry.
We became involved in our Bible Fellowship class, I started attending MOPS, and I took a class called FAITH. During one of the classes of FAITH we were asked to write down our testimonies. This really troubled me because I could not think of a time and place that I asked Jesus into my life to forgive me of my sins. But yet I thought that I was saved. The next week in MOPS Donna Ward was talking about how Jesus Christ pursues us and that He loved us enough to die on the cross for our sins. I knew that Jesus Christ died on the dross but I never applied it to my life. And the thought that He was pursuing me made me feel so complete. Donna said that Jesus could fill the void in my life. That he would erase all of my sins and that He loved me know matter what I had done. I decided at that time to quit trying to do it on my own. I told God that I was sorry for forsaking him. I surrendered my WHOLE life to Jesus and I asked him to forgive me of my sins. I believed that he was raised again from the dead. I realized that Jesus is TRULY the only way to heaven. What a relief! My life was finally full! I submitted my life to the Lord and he filled my life with his love. There was a Jesus-sized hole in my soul that only he could fill. I now have the peace that I was longing for. I am not confused at the direction of my life because it is Christ that leads me. All of the work that I was trying to do to earn God’s love was not needed. He loved me from the beginning. All I had to do was surrender.
My entire life changed on October the 4th of 2004. Shortly after this I found out that a very good friend of mine died suddenly. I was so upset. I knew that this person was not in heaven and that I could have been a Godly influence on him. I felt solely responsible for his eternity. At that time I knew that I wanted my life to count; that is when I felt God’s call on my life to evangelism. I wanted to do my part. God has used this story countless time since October of 04, and God has shown me that he has a very special plan for my life. Jeremiah 29:11-14, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord,’plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord…..” I just need to seek God with all of my heart.
Posted in I Grew Up in Church, I Made Bad Choices, I was Searching for More , 4 Comments »
My story isn’t one that will keep you on the edge of your seat or make you ponder in awe, but it simply amazes me to look back on my life and see all the things that God has done in my life. I was raised in church. My grandfather was a preacher and I have a lot of memories of church as a very small child. I remember my mother making my sister and I learn bible verses at a very young age. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was about 11 years old. Like many who were saved at a young age, I don’t really remember the actual day that I became saved, but I remember being baptized. My new life as a Christian was much like my life before because I didn’t immediately choose to learn and grow as a Christian and I didn’t have anyone who challenged me to grow. I kept going to church on Sundays and occasionally on Wednesdays. I joined a volunteer fire department as a junior fireman when I was 13 years old and essentially grew up in the fire department. The role models in my life were firemen and I spent a lot of time and effort in becoming a good fireman instead of serving the Lord, but I kept my Christian label. I even prayed on occasion and I still went to church on Sundays (as long as it didn’t interfere with a fire call). As I became older, I got a little wilder and lot further off the path God would want for my life. Bar-hopping with my buddies became an every week occurrence but on the rare occurrence that I didn’t stay out too late on Saturday night, I would still go to church on Sunday. I kept my Christian title and still prayed to God on occasion.Even in this time in my life, when I was obviously not living for God, He was at work in my life and there are many things that I can look back at now and see clearly that He did in my life. Meeting my wife, Brandy, is one of those things. When Brandy and I started dating, I found that her family was religious and I thought I fit right in. We got married and had our first child and we lived a little better, but not for God. We went to church a little more intentionally, but not necessarily more often. And we both carried the label of “Christian,” but neither really lived for God.
Another one of the most obvious things that God has ever done in my life happened in 2000 & 2001. When we found out that we were going to have our second child, we realized that we needed a bigger house and we started looking. I had absolutely no intentions of moving out of my fire district and the small community that I had grown up in. We looked at many houses there and made a few offers on houses there, but nothing ever worked out. In the fall of 2000, I looked through a realty book while I was at work and saw a picture of a new house that fit our price range. My realtor was out of town, so I called the realtor that listed the house and got the address. It was in Boiling Springs but the fact that it wasn’t where I wanted to live never crossed my mind. I got to the location to see that the house was barely started, with only the brick foundation in place (the picture of the house was of another house the builder had built). For some reason I knew that this was my house and where I was supposed to be and Brandy agreed. The house was finished and we closed on it in January 2001.
Shortly after moving in, we decided that we would visit churches in the area to find one close to our house. We visited one church one Sunday morning and then visited First Baptist North Spartanburg that night. We immediately knew that this was supposed to be our church. At an evening service in the spring of 2001, God spoke to me very clearly and told me that I wasn’t living for Him like I should be. I rededicated my life and have been growing and developing my relationship with my Savior ever since. It’s amazing to see God’s love for me in the prayers He answers and the things He does in my life. The biggest difference in my life since I’ve rededicated it to serve the Lord is the surety, understanding and comfort of my salvation and how I will spend eternity. If you are in the same place I was 10 years ago, coming to church because it’s the good thing to do but living however you want to, I would challenge you to ask yourself that age old question – “If I died right now, am I 100% sure that I would go to heaven?”
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